So here I am, almost midnight starting a blog. Why am I starting a blog you ask. Well I’m currently on a journey that I think expressing how I feel through out might be beneficial and hope maybe shed some light to the outside world. Not that I care if any one reads, it’s more of just a personal way to vent, I guess you could say.
Either way… here I am 28 years old and 24 weeks pregnant with twins. Twin girls I might add, who I am placing up for adoption. This seems to be a topic that I either have full support from people or I don’t have it at all. These naysayers think that I shouldn’t be giving up my babies to total strangers and that they should be kept in the family.
Well that’s just toooooo bad. Sorry but I am not sorry for wanting to give my babies to 2 people who have wanted nothing but a baby in their lives.
All my life I’ve been very adamant about not wanting to have children, so finding out I was pregnant and then finding out I was pregnant with twins… Hello my brain couldn’t handle the over load of data and went into total melt down mode. I cried, I screamed, at one point I was in such shock that I repeated the number two for 2 weeks straight.
This whole time babies dad (we’ll just call him fuck face for now) wanted nothing more than to start a life with these 2 babies and myself. Where I on the other hand still felt like an atomic bomb just went off in my gut and there was no hope of rebuilding.
So let’s skip forward a month or so, I’m sick from the morning sickness that lasts not just in the morning, but in the afternoon and evening as well, work sucking, having a guy who smells of cigarette smoke and beer to come home to, and then to top it off my 50 lb puppy is throwing her own tantrum of peeing on the floor every day. I had nothing to offer at the end of the day and I just wanted to crawl into bed and disappear every night. So nights like this fuck face felt “unappreciated” and that he could no longer continue on with how I made him feel…. so he vanishes for a week and randomly reapers to tell me all of this.
Uhm wtf.. okie grown man, I’m growing not just 1 but 2! Of your babies and you feel unappreciated. HA! Okie. Bye Felicia, there’s the door. He walks out of our lives for good and doesn’t look back.
Now I’m left with the fact that I’m pregnant with twins and ALONE. Fuck. So I start to think, well I know for a fact I can’t do this alone. Knowing how I feel about kids, knowing my financial situation, I know I need to look at my options. In that I decided why not adoption, it’s done all the time right?
After that my decision was clear, I would put these babies up for adoption and so I began the process.
That was 3 months ago. I have since chosen a wonderful loving couple who are overjoyed with the fact that they’re getting this opportunity. Which makes me so unbelievably happy that I could give them the opportunity to raise 2 baby girls together.
This journey has been insane and we’ll dive into that a little deeper as the days go on, but for now I think some sleep is in order. We have an early morning checking in on these twinkies!